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Hello Kuukuwa,

I have read your post more than three times today. Yesterday, I read it twice and the day that you posted, I read it once. Do you realize how it increased gradually? Yeah, I know you do. Your post has this guy ‘peaking’.

I wont make this long (my height will make up for that), like what those guys do, I come straight and correct always (Accra Aca trained me well), especially when it comes to women, and you are a woman, a pretty and ‘solid’ one. One who has an idea of what she wants and at the same time, is aware that man is not perfect, just like woman. What really got my attention was the last paragraph in your post, I can write a whole book from those 5 lines.

Anyway, I am a man who has been following you on twitter for a while now, yeah this is your handle, just so you know. ;). I have been able to realize how you think and see things, just by following you for such a long time, so I know all the points you gave are true. Remember, we have met a couple of times as well. I wont get into your physique now; I don’t want to be reminded of heaven. I am working on my humour and I hope to make you smile at least, when I finally get to meet you on a ‘professional’ level. I grew up with my mom and grandma so women will forever be very close to my heart.

Me dier, the long and short is that, we should hang out sometime so we get to know each other. Been longing to share my ambitions and passion with someone but I have searched and searched saa, whooteee!! It was good you wrote that post. Anyway, I hope you like jollof? If you don’t like it kraa the aroma of my jollof will make you taste and taste and lick your fingers. Yes you will lick your fingers!! Oh yeah, I cook, so prepare yourself well-well.

My lyrics all finish!! Accra Aca did not help me in that ‘sector’, but I know you will make things happen.

By Mutombo

This post is part of Blu’s LiveBlu Forum, a social commentary on work-life balance in Ghana. Join the discussion at: http://blughana.wordpress.com/ #LiveBlu #BeLieveUme or sign up here to try turbo-charged internet powered by Blu.

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Hi Kuukuwa,

I love to laugh a lot, especially at myself. Not that I am a clown but I like to see the humor in situations where possible. As much as possible I try to learn something new every day. Not necessarily to do with my job but anything worth knowing and sometimes some random knowledge that make for good conversation. Sometimes, I love to pick the wrong end of a debate just to see how far I can go with its flawed logic. You can be sure you won’t be bored during a conversation with me.

I still believe in doing things like opening doors for ladies, paying on date, standing up when a lady walks in an that kind of chivalrous stuff. Not because I think women can’t do these things for themselves but because I actually enjoy doing these things. That might be because I’ve got three sisters or maybe because I grew up see a lot of that. Whatever the reason, these are things that come naturally to me. I try not to protest too much when a Lady insists on doing some of these things themselves.

I love to cook. So far no one has complained about my skills in the kitchen so I take that as an indication that I’m not too terrible. Hopefully, you will soon get the opportunity to judge for yourself. I’d love to prepare some “ampesi with abom” for you or something you really like. If I can’t cook your preferred meal, I’m sure you will be able to teach me. Hopefully when I will be a good enough student to make something that’s isn’t too terrible for both of us to eat.

I like a lady who can speak her mind even if I don’t agree with her. I find confidence and intelligence very attractive so you and I will definitely get along. I also love to go out to the movies, to poetry shows, to musical concerts and other stage performance so we definitely won’t get stale from staying indoors too much. I’ve not gotten around to night clubs yet but that’s probably because I’m a terrible dancer but we can always play some music indoors, jump up and down having fun.

I’m a Christian. Religious to the extent of having a relationship with God but not letting it overshadow logic. I believe God gave us brains so we make logical decisions. I attend church as often as i can (which isn’t a lot these days). I’m as open minded as they come these days. Sometimes i can be a bit stubborn when i make a decision but i believe that is a part of all ambitious people.

You and I are a good match. I don’t fear your fierce ambition, I love that it rivals mine. I don’t want a lamb of a lady. I want a Lioness, like you, together we’ll conquer the world and leave our prints all over it.

By Efo Dela

This post is part of Blu’s LiveBlu Forum, a social commentary on work-life balance in Ghana. Join the discussion at: http://blughana.wordpress.com/ #LiveBlu #BeLieveUme or sign up here to try turbo-charged internet powered by Blu.

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“I change my mind so much I need two boyfriends and a girlfriend.” ― Pink

 What do I find attractive in a man? It depends… They’re all so different! They come in all shapes… and sizes… with different packages.

If I had to do a list of what I find attractive in a man at this very moment, here’s what I would put in it. So, in no particular order, here are 7 things, or combinations of things that I find attractive in guys [… and girls].

 Compassion + Action

Simply put, caring about the misfortunes of others enough to do something about it.

The Way He Sees Women

In this era of “real niggas”, you meet a lot of funny-guy misogynistic types, or less extremely and more commonly, guys that see women as beneath them. Luckily, most of these types are also pretty dumb, so that situation resolves itself. In the very rare situation where an attractive, accomplished, intelligent, brilliant man is sexist, that’s a deal-breaker.

Romance + Sweetness + Romance

Donnez-moi, donnez-moi, donnez-moi… a guy that’s into affectionate gestures, sweet messages, funny/ quirky gifts and more! Add weekend-trips, spur of the moment road trips, and we have ourselves a winner, even if he doesn’t shave his armpit hair.

 Ambition + Passion + Brilliance + Intelligence

“Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.” ― Salvador Dalí

Almost every single person I’ve been attracted to in my adult life [and by that I mean the years after 20], has a combination of these four elements. I’ve been known to be blinded to pot bellies, ear hair, and old age where these super four are at play. I think everything here is pretty self-explanatory, but let me hasten to add that being passionate about religion and nothing else but religion doesn’t count at all.

Humour + Intelligence + knowing what to joke about & when

“I think, for me, humour needs to be used like a strong spice – sparingly.” ― George Murray

Every girl, they say, likes a guy who makes her laugh. I guess that’s true with me to an extent, BUT, I am not looking to hook up with a Funny Face kind of person. Too many people I meet overdo it, and I’m left laughing out of politeness and trying to find an excuse to leave.

The Physical

I don’t think I have a type in terms of physique. A nice face + lips are important. I mean, I do need to be able to kiss a guy without getting nightmares. Also a fit body and personal hygiene are important for doing the kind of things I like to do, but I will not dwell on that.

The Spiritual

If he’s seeking to achieve a state where he is peaceful, truthful, and treats all others as equals, then it doesn’t matter what/who he believes in. It doesn’t matter who his gods are. I respect that.

In conclusion, realistically I’m not looking to meet a guy who is as put together as this. Frankly, if I did, I wouldn’t want to date him and be in constant awe of his perfection. And in relationships, both partners change a little to suit each other anyway. So as long as he’s working to get there, and has respect for women, I’m good.

THE END

By Kuukuwa Manful

This post is part of Blu’s LiveBlu Forum, a social commentary on work-life balance in Ghana. Join the discussion at: http://blughana.wordpress.com/ #LiveBlu #BeLieveUme or sign up here to try turbo-charged internet powered by Blu.

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Last month, by kind courtesy of one of our sponsors, Blu, 4G Internet service provider, we brought you a twitter discussion between Edward and Nana Darkoa who represented the two sides of Feminism. If you missed it, we storified the encounter in this post. This month, will throw more light on dating and relationships in Ghana. We got in touch with Kuukuwa Manful and asked her what she looks out for before choosing her ‘prospects’. Probably not too long after this announcement, we will push Kuukuwa harder to put her ‘wish list’ on paper. Based on her list we will look into our network and see if there are any bold men out there who are willing to take their chances.

Have you ever been on a date? What are the qualities you look out for in the person? Do you consider religion and tribe as key ingredients? What about educational standards and employment history. Join us via the hashtag #BeLieveUme as we pick the brains of some ladies and gents in our network. We hope Kuukuwa will lead us to some answers. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for what her take in.

 

This post is part of Blu’s LiveBlu Forum, a social commentary on work-life balance in Ghana. Join the discussion at: http://blughana.wordpress.com/ #LiveBlu #BeLieveUme or sign up here to try turbo-charged internet powered by Blu.

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This post is part of Blu’s LiveBlu Forum, a social commentary on work-life balance in Ghana. Join the discussion at: http://blughana.wordpress.com/ #LiveBlu #BeLieveUme or sign up here to try turbo-charged internet powered by Blu.

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Every woman and every man should be a feminist – especially if they believe that Africans should take charge of our land, its wealth, our lives and the burden of our own development” Ama Ata Aidoo

 

I was a feminist probably by the age of 10; I just didn’t know the F word.

In 2008 my colleague Sarah Mukasa told us about an inspiring meeting she attended in Freetown, Sierra Leone, with women from local communities living positively, and working on issues of HIV and AIDS. At that meeting the facilitators brought up the subject of feminism.

“Are you a feminist?” the facilitators asked.

We are the women answered. “If you are working to support women, you are a feminist. What’s the fuss?”

There were some that didn’t know what the meaning of feminism was, and so they asked, and their response was, “This is ‘boku gramma’. This is what we do and who we are – feminists.”

‘Boku gramma’ translates as ‘Big English’, ‘fancy words’, and sometimes I think the word ‘feminism’ itself is ‘boku gramma’. But then I think again, and I remember the power of words.

Words such as:

Feminist

Feminism

Feminists

Feminisms

 

I was always one of those children who asked 101 questions. Questions like:

“Mummy why do you have to cook Daddy’s food?”

In secondary school I was the student who would get into trouble for questioning a teacher in front of the whole assembly.

In my 6th form college I was the compound prefect and extremely tough (in hindsight a tad too firm) with the junior boys because I knew I needed to act extra tough to get them to obey me. In the very early days of my prefectship I had seen them gravitate to my male deputy and recognized that I needed to put a stop to it quickly.

But up until the age of 19 I hadn’t really reflected on why I had always resisted certain things – helping in the kitchen when I would rather read, obeying a teacher without questioning, allowing the junior boys to ignore my leadership.

 

And then I turned 19 and enrolled to study ‘Communications and Cultural Studies’. At the time I had no real interest in Cultural Studies. I even had no idea what that meant. You could say it was boku gramma to me. One of the modules I studied was ‘Feminist Theory’, and on our reading list was bell hook’s ‘Ain’t I a Woman’. The book blew me away, here was bell hooks explaining in very simple language things I instinctively knew. The unfairness of being asked to cook only because I was a girl, and a growing understanding of why my Mum was worried that I showed no interest in cooking. Even more mind blowing for me was how bell hooks explained the connections between different types of oppression. I had just moved to the U.K. and I had no real conception of race. I was struggling to deal with comments like “Why am I speaking to a bloody African?” when I would ask the customers who had called into the Pizza Hut delivery where I worked to spell their address because I simply couldn’t understand their accent. At the same time I was recognizing that I wasn’t oppressed on every level and in every space in exactly the same way. These issues of race and being part of an underclass that I was now grappling with in the U.K. had not been issues for me at all in my home country Ghana. I then began to think of the class issues in my home country. About the fact that growing up we had always had house helps, and so I could get away with not cooking or cleaning and hide myself away in my room to read. I began to feel a sense of responsibility. That I couldn’t have this new knowledge and do nothing about it. I could see that the world is not fair. The world is not fair on so many levels. The issues you grapple with will depend on where you are (your geographical location) and who you are (your economic and social status, sexual orientation, able bodied or physically challenged).

I began to read more. Not just academic texts by the likes of Michelle Wallace but also fiction by African women writers such as Ama Ata Aidoo and Buchi Emecheta which showed me in a language I could understand the unique challenges that African women face.

 

In this digital day and age it has become even easier for me to continue learning about feminisms. I check out the African Feminist Forum’s website. I go to OurSpaceIsLove for inspiration. I read Ms Afropolitan’s blog, and of course I encourage open and honest conversations about sexualities on my own blog inspired by my own feminist politics.

I identify as an African feminist, which simply means the issues I primarily concern myself with are those that affect my continent. I seek to address these issues holistically – to recognize that individuals do not live single-issue lives, and that all forms of discrimination must be dismantled. This in my view is what feminism is about.  I am hoping that, if you’re not already a feminist, your own ‘Aha, this is why everybody should be a feminist’ moment is fast approaching. And yes I said EVERYBODY. Men can be feminists too.

 

A selection of staff from the African Women's Development Fund at the 3rd African Feminist Forum in Dakar, Senegal. From left to right are: Rose, Sophia, Rissi, Zeytuna, Mavis and Gertrude. Photography by Nyani Quarmyne

A selection of staff from the African Women’s Development Fund at the 3rd African Feminist Forum in Dakar, Senegal. From left to right are: Rose, Sophia, Rissi, Zeytuna, Mavis and Gertrude.
Photography by Nyani Quarmyne

Professor Ama Ata Aidoo speaking at an event 'outdooring' Nneka as AWDF's Ambassador for the Arts. Photography by Bob Pixel

Professor Ama Ata Aidoo speaking at an event ‘outdooring’ Nneka as AWDF’s Ambassador for the Arts.
Photography by Bob Pixel

 

This post is part of Blu’s BelieveUme Forum, a social commentary on work-life balance in Ghana. Join the discussion at: http://blughana.wordpress.com/  #BeLieveUme or sign up here to try turbo-charged internet powered by Blu.

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